FEMINEST BOOK CLUB: How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence by Michael Pollan

Wanna join the Feminest book club? Of course you do. ;) See this post to learn more on how to join and check the events page on when the next book club is going to be!

The first Tuesday of every month, I'm selecting a feminist, business, or self-help book to review for that month. And, rest assured — if I'm featuring it — there’s something you oughta know! 

Last month I covered We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I gave it a 4/5 and I think everyone should read it for some quick insights into feminism.

This month I'm covering How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence by Michael Pollan (USA + AUS). I was nervous to choose this book because well, it’s about psychedelics, and to promote it publicly may feel, unprofessional? I also feel like there’s such a stigma around psychedelics, but it’s a topic that has interested my partner and I (more on that in the future maybe) for a while so I wanted to give it a go.

Another reason why I chose it was due to reading this quote from the book Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson (in 2011) “Taking LSD was a profound experience, one of the most important things in my life. LSD shows you that there’s another side to the coin, and you can’t remember it when it wears off, but you know it. It reinforced my sense of what was important—creating great things instead of making money, putting things back into the stream of history and of human consciousness as much as I could.”

Here’s my review in 3 takeaways:

Takeaway #1 - Psychedelics have a profound effect on mental health

Study after study showed the amazing anecdotal effects that psychedelics had on mental health. You can read the book obviously to learn about the specifics more but here’s his New Yorker article that started him on the journey, specifically a study to help ease anxiety for patients at the end of their lives.

Takeaway #2 - Drugs are not all the same

As a millennial I was raised with the D.A.R.E. program screaming “NO” as loud as I could for the police officer that came around every so often giving away small t-shirt wearing teddy bears. The program, needless to say didn’t educate (if it did, I can’t remember) on the differences in drugs and effects. Essentially from marijuana to crack cocaine they just all fried your brain:

I was also raised Mormon and lived the teaching very closely - down to not drinking coffee, so alcohol? No way. Weed? Never! LSD? Absolutely not.

I think from a public perspective there’s not a lot of education either. For example, even though LSD is a “schedule 1 drug” along with heroin! It’s not even listed on the #1 google ranked site searching “different drugs and their effects.” It’s impossible to get addicted to LSD btw, if you were to consume it the effect wears off and stops working, so all of this is a mystery.

But not really, Pollan takes the reader through the fascinating history of the different drugs and how it all got really political really fast.

Takeaway #3 - I wanted less and more

Pollan is a talented writer. I group him with Michal Lewis where they’re able to take a lot of seemingly boring information and turn it into a captivating story.

The end started to get repetitive with the clinical trials and I found myself skimming the last 40 pages. But his experience with Paul Stamets (see his TedTalk 6 Ways Mushrooms Can Save The World), the shamans, and all the conversations he had, I ate up. I wanted more about his personal experiences and how he processed them. So fascinating reading an atheist grappling with any existence of a “god”. Ultimately I wanted more about the betterment of well people as I think it can be amazing for creativity and entrepreneurship and less about the mental health benefits.

Rating: 4.5/5

Recommendation:

The reason this would be a 5 is subject matter alone, but it’s a 4.5 because of length!

Next month:

The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan (AUS + USA)

“If you’ve never read it, read it now.”―Arianna Huffington

Read it with me! And sign up to come to the Book Club!

Have a book suggestion? Let us know in the comments below!

#FEMINESTCHATS VIDEO INTERVIEW WITH WHITNEY LUNDEEN OF SONNET JAMES

Here's the 7th interview in the #feminestchats video series with the lovely Whitney Lundeen of Sonnet James, who is a delightful human being that makes dresses for moms to play in with their kids. She some how she feels like everyone’s bff where you can share all the reasons why you love being a mom and hate it simultaneously.

0:00 - Where did you grow up?

0:04 - What’s your favorite thing to do with your free time?

0:07 - What’s your favorite show right now?

0:20 - Do you ever eat your favorite, ben and jerry's half baked, in bed while watching shows?

0:33 - Where's your favorite place in the world to visit?

0:40 - What’s the best thing about your new collection?

1:07 - What’s one thing you’re confident you’re better than me at?

1:42 - Fill in the blank, “I’m a feminist but________.”

2:38 - What’s one thing you really love about what you do?

3:30 - What do you want to tell people about your work but you don’t because it may be weird to say?

5:15 - Whitney talks about money transparency, fashion healthy profit + loss, margins

7:29 - What do you think of when you think of money?

7:45 - You told me you were going to be on Shark Tank???

8:36 - Favorite thing to play with your kids?

8:41 - Favorite book for business? The Lean Startup: How Today's Entrepreneurs Use Continuous Innovation to Create Radically Successful Businesses (AUS + US)

8:44 - Book that’s changed you the most? The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth (AUS + US)

8:46 - Favorite podcast? Freakonomics

8:55 - What Instagram account should I be following? Yara Shahidi or Russell Dickerson

9:41 - What business inspires you?

9:51 - Best piece of advice for a new business owner?

10:10 - Who is your icon?

10:20 - Who should I interview next? Yan

Thank you Whitney! Move to Melbourne already.

Whitney is a brave soul! Thank you for opening the money conversation and it spurred some of the most activity I’ve ever had on Insta Stories about transparency. Who wants to be a part of the conversation? Take this survey here if you’re interested in being contact about your money, honey!

Past interviews:

Futures trader, Jamie Nugent 

Graphic designer Lidia Varesco Racoma

Former yoga studio owner and podcast producer, Andrea Klunder 

Brand therapist, Leisse Wilcox

Videographer, feminist storyteller Domini Marshall of Her Words

Intuitive business coach, Elle Steele

Know of anyone that I should interview? I’m looking for strong feminist business owners that have a story to share!

21 Day Challenge - #2: Instagram Detox

After reading The Compound Effect - it really motivated me to take a look at practices that I wanted to start implementing as well as get rid of in my life. So I’ve decided that I’m going to make this a series! You can see the first challenge on meditation here.

The challenge

Get more Instagram discipline, set some intentions, and get some overall strategy… Essentially have more control over my use as oppose to it having control over me!

Why that challenge

I love Instagram. I’ve connected with so many amazing people because of it. Some of my dearest friends and some of my most successful partnerships were through the platform. I’m not wanting to get rid of it, but I found that I would spend a lot of time on it that I didn’t plan on. One night I found myself scrolling through 45-minutes of nature videos - and although that’s probably more uplifting than drooling over lifestyle influencers which inevitably leaves me feeling “less than” for how dingy my rental kitchen is, I didn’t plan on spending my evening that way. And that’s how they get you. The incessant scrolling and the algorithm giving you more and more and more without you even clicking, swiping and asking for it!

Not to mention all the studies around mental health. Instagram is apparently the worst app for your mental health, and should they pay a levy for damages? Ultimately, I just don’t want to go to rehab.

Just kidding, kind of.

What I was currently doing

Checking it first thing in the morning and on and off during the day. Typically when I was bored, there was a lull between tasks, traveling or really any time of day.

I was already deleting the app off my phone on Friday night and downloading it again Monday morning to prevent me from checking it while I was with my family on the weekends. Which was great.

What I did

1. Not check it in the mornings.

2. Go into instagram with a task

3. Have a time limit

4. Stop posting on Friday’s and delete it Thursday night

Benefits I started seeing

So many, but here are a few:

• My mornings are a lot more calm and productive

That’s also due to my meditation practice which I did at the same time as this one.

• I’ve developed a more thoughtful strategy

I’m really trying to make Instagram work for me more. I implement the “3 gives and 1 ask” in my stories and in my posts. It’s really helpful.

I also wanted to set some time limits so I’ve given myself 25 minutes and broke it down like this:

DAILY

10 min - posting: post + stories

10 min - responding, DM’s, notifications

5 min - thoughtful comments + interaction (look for people who aren’t necessarily popping up in the algorithm but that I want to check up on, ex. past and current clients)

• More time in my day, week, year!

I decided to not post on Friday’s anymore and delete the app off my phone Thursday night and re-upload it Monday. When I realized that gave me at least 1-hour a week back (between planning, scheduling, posting and interacting on the platform) which equaled 52 hours a year, I felt like a real boss.

Have I continued

Yes! It’s a daily challenge and I’ve been trying to download the new software that allows you to set time limits on the app and not be able to access it (my phone is being weird with the new software and not letting me download it) which is so awesome. I think that would help me even more.

I unintentionally went on a 10 day detox and actually got people emailing me and asking if I was okay (which is so nice). But not having my thumb click that icon was a refreshing recalibration of my brain.

Conclusion

Social media relationships are a complicated one. I love all the friends I have on there and I truly feel like they are friends, but man oh man - it can really consume me if I’m not careful, that dopamine hit is real. But continuing to suss out what’s working, what’s effective and what’s not. I’ve found that interaction on my DM’s feels the most meaningful and beneficial, right now at least!

I’ll probably do a social media detox once a year and see how I can better improve my relationship/interaction!

Would love to hear your thoughts on social media! What’s working for you, what’s not. Do you detox? Do you feel you have control over it? Give it to me.

First impressions of Klaviyo

I was talking with Meredith from Canary Lane about what she uses for her email marketing. She mentioned that she swears by Klaviyo, I had never heard of it!

 "I chose Klaviyo because I loved the behavior driven triggers and the way you can see how active a subscriber has been on the site. Also the segmentation capabilities of Klaviyo blew me away. I felt like it was the best choice for me since I have an ecomm site (shopify)."

She went on and on about Klaviyo email marketing I decided to give it a go. I’ve been a long time fan of MailChimp and all of it’s free glory (I don’t understand how it can give so much capability away for free) and have heard of ConvertKit but decided that I should only look into after I had 2k emails.

Meredith said she knew she had to start investing more into email marketing as soon as Instagram introduced the business profiles - as it would eventually become a pay to play game like Facebook - which it has. I’m sure so many of you have seen in your home feed “promote your post”. Oy.

I signed up for Klaviyo for myself and wrote the points below. But soon after I signed a new ecomm client and asked her if I could integrate Klaviyo with her site. It was night and day as far as the behavior driven triggers go. But I’ll get more into her results later

Initial impressions for me

• the name is not the greatest - it’s hard to hear when someone says it and hard to type - clayvio? Kayveo?

• I don’t love the design.

• I was hard to navigate and find help once in the backend

• I googled “klaviyo video tutorials” and it brought up “… for Shopify” I don’t have a Shopify account and so I googled “…for squarespace” it took me to this post from 2015 which I don’t know but for me the videos strangely weren’t showing up: https://www.klaviyo.com/blog/brand-new-video-tutorials-from-klaviyo

• So then I googled “klaviyo youtube” surely they would have something. The YouTube Channel is so limited it made me think the it’s not even owned by Klaviyo.

• Then in the dashboard I clicked on “support” - which brought up some videos that looked great - but what I found was that it was a slide deck that had no sound for 12 seconds and then clearly was a webinar that they hadn’t done any post editing to and just posted it. BTW it was an HOUR long. It made me feel defeated and frustrated.

 Initial impressions for the ecomm site

• The triggers were actually fun to fulfill. I felt like I was so productive and set up 6 flows in hours. INSANE

• The analytics and dashboard is still something I’m trying to get a handle on

• The revenue that it has generate is for sure paying for the service but it’s barely over 3 figures a month

Overall impressions

Mailchimp has been great for me and I’ll be sitting pretty with my free service for a while. It would have to take a pretty sophisticated (and free) service for me to transfer information and learn a new platform at this point, as a service based business.

But for an ecomm site? I highly recommend not bothering with MailChimp and use Klaviyo immediately. Even if you don’t have a lot of revenue coming in right now it’s great to grow into it and learn the effectiveness of it early on.

That’s just my first impression - after only using it for 2 months.

What do you use? Do you love it? Hate it? Want to convince me I need to dump MailChimp? :)

Want to up your email market game? Sign up for my ecourse! Or get all five of my ecourses in one and buy the bundle (which btw includes a 1:1 with yours truly)!

6 Articles I've Read Lately That You Should Too

6 articles I’ve read lately that I’ve really really loved. Here are snippets of them that I found compelling. (and The Cut is killing it apparently.)

Article #1

The Ford-Kavanaugh Hearing Will Be Remembered as a Grotesque Display of Patriarchal Resentment via The New Yorker

Why I liked it: “This is the nature of the conspiracy against white male power—the forces threatening it will always somehow be thwarted at the last minute.”

“What took place on Thursday confirms that male indignation will be coddled, and the gospel of male success elevated. It confirms that there is no fair arena for women’s speech. Mechanisms of accountability will be made irrelevant. Some people walked away from 1991 enraged. The next year was said to be the Year of the Woman. Our next year, like this one, will be the Year of the Man.”

Article #2

Serena Williams and the Game That Can’t Be Won (Yet) What rage costs a woman. via The Cut

Why I liked it: “It’s about the ways in which women’s — and especially nonwhite women’s — dress and bodies and behavior and expression and tone are still deemed unruly if they do not conform to the limited view of femininity established by men, especially if that unruliness suggests a direct threat to male authority.”

Article #3

The Ambition Collision via The Cut

Why I liked it: “Get a grip, I want to tell them, for I am old enough to be, if not their mother then their world-weary aunt. Who ever said that work should be the be-all? You work for money. The money you earn pays the rent. You are the very, very lucky few, in possession of the jobs and apartments that every tier-one college student wants. But the more I listen, the more I think I hear in these young women’s voices the echo of something familiar — the complaints of a long-ago generation but in reverse. The female dissatisfaction chronicled by Betty Friedan in The Feminine Mystique was prompted by a widespread awakening to the bullshit promises of domestic happiness, manufactured by culture to make female containment look good. Now another bullshit promise has taken its place, and another generation is waking up. The men in charge are still in charge. It is impossible for women to continue to have faith in a vision of their own empowerment, when that empowerment is, in fact, a pose.”

Article #4

Kids Don’t Damage Women’s Careers — Men Do Stop blaming motherhood for a problem created by fathers via Medium by Jessica Valenti

Why I liked it: “So let’s stop saying that it’s motherhood that holds up women’s careers; it’s not the institution of parenthood that makes advancing at work difficult. It’s not our kids. It’s that there’s no chance of equality at work while there’s inequality at home.”

Article #5

This Is the Age When Your Self-Esteem Peaks via The Cut

Why I liked it: “As with anything in life, there are multiple ways to view this curve. One is with impatience: It really takes that many years to reach the height of feeling good about yourself? Another is with foreboding, knowing that your last years are spent watching your self-esteem slowly deplete as you stare down the end of life.”

Article #6

My Twitter Thread on Abortion by Design Mom

Why I liked it: “If you want to stop abortion, you need to prevent unwanted pregnancies. And men are 100% responsible for unwanted pregnancies.”

Have you read anything great lately? Comment below!

FEMINEST BOOK CLUB: We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Wanna join the Feminest book club? Of course you do. ;) See this post to learn more on how to join and check the events page on when the next book club is going to be!

The first Tuesday of every month, I'm selecting a feminist, business, or self-help book to review for that month. And, rest assured — if I'm featuring it — there’s something you oughta know! 

Last month I covered The Compound Effect: Jumpstart Your Income, Your Life, Your Success by Darren Hardy. I gave it a 4/5. Two of the chapters I will keep on my phone to tune into as a pick me up and reading it inspired me to start this new 21-day challenge series.

This month I'm covering We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I chose it because it was highly rated on Amazon - 4.6/5 stars out of 1,108 reviews. I downloaded it on my audible account and then listened to her TEDx Talk and it’s the same thing. I’m not sure what’s different actually. So that was a bit disappointing that I paid for content that I could get for free. She presented December 2012 and although some of her messaging is a bit dated in the current conversation (which is a good thing) some of it isn’t (which is frustrating).

Here's my review in 3 takeaways:

Takeaway #1 - Something that’s obvious to me isn’t obvious to others

I thought being a feminist was obvious. I mean, even McDonalds is getting behind it. But apparently we still have some work to do.

I went to a lunch recently with some other women, when talking about female organizations to help support women entrepreneurship one of the women responded and said “yea, I just don’t like women focused stuff with the high heels and pink lipstick.” I wanted to respond with, “my sweet sister, what events are you going to?” and instead I just sat there confused.

It’s obvious to me that there needs to be more support for women in entrepreneurship but maybe it’s just not obvious to others even if those others are women. Maybe I need to say these stats before I talk about the need for female founder support.

Takeaway #2 - Men don’t even think about gender…

I was at a networking night once and naturally when people ask me what the name of my company is - feminism gets brought up. It’s kind of funny how some men act. I kind of feel bad for them… we’re in this whole new world of awareness - it’s going to be awkward for a bit. (but Joseph Gordon-Levitt gets it and apparently all these other celebrities dudes too… I love you Mark)

After introducing myself and my business a dude said “I don’t discriminate at all between men and women, it’s not an issue for me…”

I almost spit my drink out and wanted to be like, “yea, okay.” But I didn’t… cause, I was tired.

Because look, it’s still an issue for me and I’m a loud, proud, angry, bra-burning (actually I’ll keep my bra for my size G ladies for now, thanks) feminist.

Also, I can’t for the life of me remember if my very feminist girlfriend said this or if I read it in a book but the story is that she hopped on a plane and noticed there was a female pilot. She thought, “Wow, a female pilot! Amazing”. But when shit hit the fan and there was some worse-than-normal-turbulence she instantly thought, “oh no, it’s a female pilot.”

Tina Fey went on My Next Guest Needs No Introduction with David Letterman and they were talking about gender inequality in comedy. David then said something like “oh, I don’t think any women would want to work for me anyway.” To which Tina responded “oh no David, they do.” THIS IS THE PROBLEM.

It’s these moments that we’re not thinking that are important. The thing is, we all (men and women) have a bias (unconscious or conscious) against women and it’s not until we’re aware of it that we’ll achieve equality.

Takeaway #3 - Men suffer from the patriarchy too, just not as much as women

Adichie talks about how men are culturally still required to pay for everything in a partnership even if that man doesn’t have the money to do so. They need to do it, to “be a man”.

It makes me think about this hilarious Michelle Wolf bit:

She wants equal pay (and a chardonnay).#MichelleWolfNiceLady, @michelleisawolf’s first #HBO comedy special, is now streaming. pic.twitter.com/KxBLhtpEyl

— HBO (@HBO) November 29, 2017

So look, not all men are bad and a lot of them are aware of inequalities and don’t like it. My partner is incredible and I think we have a pretty egalitarian relationship but sometimes both of us play into patriarchal roles because that’s what we were raised with and that’s the society we live in. For example, after we had married (10 years ago) I was doing our laundry and I swear was folding thousands of his tube socks. I was getting all worked up because all of them were inside out and it was taking so long. When he came home I really laid into him about it - “can you just put your socks off right side out before you put them in the hamper?” To which he replied “sure, but you could also just not fold my laundry.” It was like the heavens opened and angels sang, don’t fold his laundry, of course!

We all have a long way to go but it’s not until we understand that we all need to be feminists that women (and men) won’t live under the patriarchy and that we’ll have all the rights that men do.

Rating: 4/5

Recommendation:

The main reason this gets a 4 and not a 5 is because I paid $15 on audible for content that was free.

Next month I'm featuring How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence by Michael Pollan (USA + AUS). Read it with me! And sign up to come to the Book Club!

Have a book suggestion? Let us know in the comments below!

#FEMINESTCHATS VIDEO INTERVIEW WITH ELLE STEELE

Here's the sixth interview in the #feminestchats video series with the lovely Elle Steele of I Am Elle Steel, who “makes women’s lives and businesses more magical through uncovering their intuitive strength.” Yes please!

0:40 - Scale from 1-10, 10 being the highest - how are you feeling right now?

0:50 - What do you do for work?

1:47 - When you’re not in the room - what do people say you do for work?

2:15 - Best thing about growing up in Brunswick?

2:39 - Tomorrow your only plan is to lay in the sun with a book - and you have all books available to you - what book do you grab? - A Thousand Splendid Suns (AUS + USA) and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

3:09 - You mentioned bread is your fav indulgence - can you get more specific? Are we talking sliced? Rolls? Loafs? Wheat? Rye? 7 grain? - Wild Life Bakery

4:02 - Kunzite (stone of unconditional love) is one of your desert island magic items. Does it just hang around your house currently? Do you put it to your heart? How does it work for you?

4:34 - One sentence - what does freedom oracle mean for you?

4:57 - You’re creating a freedom oracle tarot deck - and putting it on kickstarter! Amazing! Why should someone get that instead of the millions of other ones?

6:36 - Wow - I asked you - When do you feel like you put on an act? And you said “When people want me to be angry about living with a disability because I'm just not. I could not give two shits. I'm in a wheelchair. Whoopdedoo”. I really loved that. Do you find people are awkward about people with disabilities?

7:40 - Fill in the blank, “I’m a feminist but ________”

8:48 - Now fill in the blank - with whatever your guilty feminism is - like “I’m a feminist but I watch a little bachelor” - so yours is?

9:25 - You mentioned a highlight of your work is helping people to see the truth of who they are. What’s the main thing you’ve found holding someone back from doing that?

10:25 - It’s hard for a lot of people to charge. But why is it so hard for intuitives to charge for their work?

11:00 - What Instagram account should I be following? Our Satellite Hearts, Gregory Scott - daily and weekly tarot readings, and Lucy Sheridan - The Comparison Coach

11:28 - What business inspires you? Path Hunting

12:04 - Who is your icon?

13:06 - Who should I interview next? - Bec from Path Hunting / Nicole Rowan Holt of Australian Women’s Day

Thank you Elle! So lovely to have you!

How do you feel about this new format? I'm changing things up and aiming for a Vogue 73 questions vibe that's a bit faster paced.

Missed the first one with futures trader, Jamie Nugent, all about money mindset?? Check it out! Or the second with graphic designer Lidia Varesco Racoma? Here it is! Or maybe the one on closing a yoga practice and starting podcasts with Andrea Klunder? Go watch! Or brand therapist Leisse Wilcox - have a watch. Or Domini of Her Words! Click here.

Know of anyone that I should interview? I’m looking for strong feminist business owners that have a story to share!

21 Day Challenge - #1: Meditation

After reading The Compound Effect - it really motivated me to take a look at practices that I wanted to start implementing as well as get rid of, in my life. So I’ve decided that I’m going to make this a series! So welcome to the first challenge.

The challenge

I decided the first habit that I wanted to develop was meditation. 

Why that challenge

“Meditation is a simple practice available to all, which can reduce stress, increase calmness and clarity and promote happiness.” According to this NYT article and lots of other sources.

And maybe this wouldn’t hurt either - “Often considered as the ultimate goal of meditation, ascension meditation the essence of enlightenment and self-realization. Also called Nirvana, it is the final stage of an individual’s spiritual evolution – an amazing state of being in which you can fully experience oneness with all creation and realize your true nature as a spiritual being. This is most commonly achieved through ascension meditation.” Source.

What I was currently doing

I would set my alarm for 3 mornings of the week around 6:30am. First I would “wake myself up” by checking my email and instagram (which it did get my brain firing). Then I would lay in bed, put earbuds in, and turn on a guided meditation - aka - fell back asleep.

What I wanted to do

I knew that I needed to actually get out of bed but it's so hard for me to get up in the mornings, I hate the cold, and did I mention it's hard for me to get up in the mornings? 

So I decided to confront the three things that were preventing me from getting my zen on:

1. Make it easier to get up:

• I set my alarm for 6:50 and allow myself one 10 minute snooze.

• I put the phone on the other side of the room so the act of getting up wakes me up (twice, once for the initial alarm, and then again after the snooze)

• I go the bathroom

• I fill up a glass of cold water, and drink half right away and bring the other half where I'm meditating

2. Create a space outside of my bed. I've heard of people talking about meditating at the same place everyday and creating a little alter. So I did. I had:

• A non scented Ikea candle, because I thought that would be cozy and a nice ritual to start

• Lighter, for said candle

• A beautiful dried flower that I picked up on the street (okay, maybe I reached into someones garden, but it was dead and on the ground, they didn't want it, right?)

• Planner to write all the epiphanies I would have every morning

• A folded up sheet to sit on so it's a bit more comfortable - someday I would like to get a proper cushion

3. Fight the cold. I sleep in a t-shirt - so that first body part out from under the duvet is a real cringe moment. So next to my bed I put:

• My biggest bulkiest longest sweater

• My thickest socks

• Leggings

• And thinking about it now - I don't have this but should have a blanket

I started small - only 5 minutes. Trying to get into a regular routine was hard. Do I use a guided meditation? Stop, Breathe and Think app? My phone timer? Insight timer? Just focus on breathing? Count backwards from 10?

After a couple of days I settled on this routine, which I still do (but a little longer now):

1. Start phone timer for 5 minutes and count my breath. 4 seconds inhale, 4 seconds hold 4 seconds exhale 4 seconds hold. Then 5 seconds inhale 4 seconds hold 5 seconds exhale and 4 seconds hold…

2. Set timer for 3 minutes and invite "love" into my life and ask the universe "how can I serve?"

3. Write anything that came to me during that time in my Madness Planner. Sometimes I would look back at it, and sometimes just allowed it to be written and maybe it would work itself out.

Benefits I started seeing

So many, but here are a few:

• More aware of my breath during the day

When I was at really busy traffic intersections I would notice my breathes starting to get shorter! I walk these streets everyday and feel fairly comfortable - but it’s something I started noticing my body reacting to.

I attended a networking event and had an extremely uncomfortable interaction with someone where I found myself bright red. I then noticed I was breathing very shallow and rapid and started to slow down my breathe which helped get my composure and continue on with the evening instead of bolting home.

• More in control and objective of my thoughts

This was a huge “aha” moment for me. I always thought meditation was great as far as having more zen. But I also started noticing when I would think certain negative thoughts and being able to have more objectivity with them - almost not take them as seriously. It has been really powerful. I’m absolutely not perfect, but I’m noticing a difference

• More in control of the voices in my head

Starting my day with meditation meant that I was not only kicking it off with focusing on myself, but I was also telling my inner voice to “shhhhhh, you’re good”. Before when I started my day with reading email and checking instagram - I was giving those unanticipated voices power to set the tone and involuntarily reacting. Ex. “oh shit! that’s right, I forgot to send them that PDF!” = panic or “what’s that comment all about? was she trying to be rude? or am I reading that wrong?” = unnecessary questioning and over-responsibility

Have I continued

Yes! I’m really really proud to say that I have! It will be 8 weeks now and I haven’t missed a day.

I tried to order an alarm clock so I wouldn’t have to use my phone but it was honestly so confusing to set up I’ve abandoned the $16 purchase. But I would like to set it up at some point as well as get a timer so I don’t have to be around my phone at all.

Conclusion

I feel like I am finally starting to understand meditation in a way other than just a bit of quiet for a moment. I see myself continuing to do at least what I’m doing now for the rest of my life.

Tell me tell me tell me. Do you meditate? What have been your hold up? Would love to know!

How To Create an Influencer Database

Let me start out by saying - when talking about social media influencers, it's hard to not get a little, well, Nosedive-from-Black-Mirror-on-Netflix. But Charlie Brooker, who is the creator and writer of the show, says, "It's basically the world we live in."

I'm not going to talk about why you should do influencer marketing (because for me, the jury is still out on the effectiveness). I'm going to talk more about how to create a database to choose influencers audiences that you're interested in marketing to.

In 2016 I created an influencer databased in Chicago to help my clients with potential connections. You can get the database as part of my excel webinar here (which is amazing, and you are probably going to want to sign up for that).

1. Outline what you're looking for

I'm currently doing some long-term consulting for a kids carpooling app called Parachuute - which you'll want to download immediately if you're in Australia, have children, and want to have a life. Here is some of the information that I'm looking for:

• handle - the handle and name can be different

• name - I want to have the name to address them so they know I've done a bit of research about them

• email - I've found it's more effective to email people than to DM them. Plus you can use streak to track and create templates!

• location - we want to focus on Melbourne, but eventually branch out to all of Australia

And to make it on the list they would need to hit certain criteria:

• audience - typically you can see from the bio and strolling through the content what audience they're catering

• follow/following ratio (it's impressive if you have 10k followers - but not if you're following 5k - that looks like spam)

• engagement calculator score - I love using the Influencer Marketing Hub which gives a range on what to expect to pay for a post. Ex. you would need to pay me $15-25 (which would never in a million years be worth it to me) but someone like Seth Godin it's saying $185 - $308. I don't know if that would be accurate, but it's worth using as a starting point to understand the cost

In Parachuute's case we're wanting to find parents who are both working, or families that have 3 or more children. Because we're talking social media influencers here, I think it's safe to assume that it's more likely to find a Mum of three as an influencer than a Mum who is working full-time and finds time to take lil shots of her kid  covered in a dripping ice-cream cone (and somehow make it look endearing).

2. Do your research

a. Google. I start out buy googling "top Mum influencers in Melbourne". This is what I got:

b. Instagram. I also went to instagram and searched the "#melbournemummyblogger" hashtag:

c. Other You can also look to agencies that represent influencers, and search sites like Scrunch (still fairly new).

3. Start analyzing

Do not get caught up in the hype of what other brands use or how many followers someone has.  Be sure to use tools like the engagement calculator and your own brain to see if paying an influencer to promote your product or service actually makes sense. 

And come to the excel webinar to see how to use that database you've put together with fancy filters and sorting tools! MELBOURNE TIME: 10:30 AM, Tuesday Sep 18CHICAGO TIME: 7:30 PM, Monday Sep 17

FEMINEST BOOK CLUB: The Compound Effect: Jumpstart Your Income, Your Life, Your Success by Darren Hardy

Wanna join the Feminest book club? Of course you do. ;) See this post to learn more on how to join and check the events page on when the next book club is going to be!

The first Tuesday of every month, I'm selecting a feminist, business, or self-help book to review for that month. And, rest assured — if I'm featuring it — there’s something you oughta know! 

Last month I covered Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brené Brown, which won't surprise you much, it was awesome, I mean, we're talking about The Dr. Brené Brown here. She's a force.

This month I'm covering The Compound Effect: Jumpstart Your Income, Your Life, Your Success by Darren Hardy (I chose it because it's highly recommended by my friend and talented coach T-Ann, watch her video on it here!). Here's my review in 3 takeaways:

Takeaway #1 - Own your choices

Book chapters:

• 2 - Choices

• 3 - Habits

• 4 - Momentum

• 5 - Influences

• 6 - Acceleration

Chapter 2 was one of my favorites, and I'll keep it in my pocket for future listening when I need a pick me up. I had a friend who talked about certain books being good "ear worms" - content that lifts you up, gets you out of your head, and in a brain space you want to be in. You Are a Badass is one of those for me and I'll be adding this chapter to my "ear worm" list.

Hardy saying things like "wake up", "stop pointing fingers", and "successful people are willing to do what unsuccessful people aren't" are very helpful reminders for me to take ownership for how I'm creating my life, what thoughts I think, what I say, and what I do.

Ultimately, I'm choosing how much time I'm spending on Instagram, whether I eat that cookie, email that total "it's a long shot" contact, and/or crawl out of my bed to meditate in the cold morning when all I want to do is hit snooze one more time, stay in my warm cozy bed and close my heavy heavy eye lids.

Hardy compares compound effects of choices to money that for every $1 you spend today will be worth $5 in 10 years and $20 in 10 years. You can view this in a negative way and a positive way. That for good choices you'll reap the benefits down the road and poor choices you won't. 

Takeaway #2 - Where are you going?

Hardy quoted a story that goes something like this, "there was a man riding a horse down a path, a passerby asked him where he was going and the horse rider replied 'I don't know, ask the horse'." 

It's hard to be intentional about every single aspect of our lives. But if we can take a moment to choose a couple of different habits that we can re-evaluate and decide to take action on the better we'll be.

I chose to focus on two different habits in my life, I'm going to save the full explanation for a later post but here are the two that I chose:

1. Starting an actual, serious meditation habit for 21 days (which I successfully did!) See post here!

2. Tracking my instagram use for 21 days - how long I was on it, and what I was doing. It was alarming and frankly, embarrassing. At the end I created instagram "rules" for myself - to keep me in check.

Takeaway #3 - Maybe this vibe isn't for me?

So good. But I can't give it a full 5 out of 5 because ultimately voices and energy like Darren Hardy are too... masculine, macho, dude? I found all the methods to be extremely methodical and calculated and it didn't leave a ton of room for the flow of intuition. Also, the emphasis on performance and accomplishment can be a bit overwhelming - even if it is in small increments. 

Funny enough I came across this video "Too much happiness? Resisting the self-help craze in Denmark". "But as the pressure to keep striving for more happiness and success intensifies, Danish author Svend Brinkmann argues that a healthier approach might be to reject the self-help craze and learn to say 'no.'" It really resonates with quotes like, "...you're forced to develop and improve with this whole positive attitude" and "Now we think we're suppose to be happy and positive all the time, and maybe, paradoxically it makes us feel miserable."

I love self-help - but there are times I leave it feeling more like shit than motivated. I think I need to do more navigating around what voices resonate and don't.

Rating: 4/5

Recommendation:

For people who are wanting to start something new or kick a bad habit, the "choices" and "habits" chapters are great.

Next month I'm featuring We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie! Read it with me!

Have a book suggestion? Let us know in the comments below!

FEMINEST BOOK CLUB - Join the club?

I've been posting all my book reviews (10 so far) and calling it a "Feminest Book Club". Someone asked me the other day if it's an actual book club? Well, if you can have a club with one member, then yes, I'm on the VIP list. 

Whenever I need quick feedback, I look to the gram. I asked my people what they thought about doing a virtual Instagram. Here's some of the feedback I got:

Yes! But I've joined so many book clubs and quit them...

I hear you. I have too! One of the best book clubs I was a part of though was What Women Read and I think that because Mel is so consistent and has such a passion for gathering women - it all worked. Look, I'm reading books monthly anyway, why don't we read them all together? Come if you want, no pressure if you can't make it that month... or ever again. I love you.

I love book clubs, but sometimes I don't read the book, but I want to come anyway. 

Girl, I'm also guilty of this and I've found that if I just go, It's okay. Of course when I read the book I get way more context and details, but if you're interested in the topic, just come! I think there's also something to be said for just watching some interviews with the author (like with Start with Why), reading some articles, and you're set for conversation. Most of the time book club conversation turns to stories, themes and topics anyway. So what I'm trying to say, if you're interested in what the book is about, but you didn't read it, just come!

After that - I just got a lot of people messaging me and saying "I'm in". So let's do this!

WHO: You. If you're a women in business - you're in.

WHAT: Book categories we'll stick to are business, self-help, and feminism. I'll ask everyone what their overall rating is, if they give it a thumbs up or down, who you would recommend it for (if anyone), and the #1 takeaway. We'll also just have open conversation about the book as well.

WHEN: Melbourne - the last Tuesday of every month - 10:30 AM | Chicago - the last Monday of every month 7:30 PM. 

I post my reviews the 1st Tuesday of every month (for the most part). So this will be nice to incorporate what you have to say in my review.

WHERE: Online baby. I'll send a Zoom link before the meeting.

WHY: Cause we all want to learn together, connect, and grow. Let's do this!

HOW: Sign up here!

#FEMINESTCHATS VIDEO INTERVIEW WITH DOMINI MARSHALL OF HER WORDS

Here's the fifth interview in the #feminestchats video series with the lovely Domini Marshall of Her Words, which is a space for women to share their stories. You should take some time and browse the amazing interviews she's done, they're powerful and raw (like talking about having your first orgasm).

0:15 - Scale from 1-10, 10 being the highest - how are you feeling right now?

0:28 - I had the best time at your Her Words dinner. What’s the best advice on how to host an intimate dinner party with as large of a group as you had?

1:12 - You mentioned one of the best things you’ve had to eat recently was a croissant and coffee from your favorite spot - All Are Welcome Bakery…. What’s your “desert island food”? Would it be that or something else?

1:26 - You told me you wanted to live in Paris, why?

2:06 - So with Her Words you focus on representation and storytelling to raise empathy and educate through stories… what feminist topic do you think has the least amount of representation and storytelling around it that needs more attention and empathy?

3:02 - As a writer and filmmaker who works with brands and businesses to create content, what’s your #1 piece of advice on good content creation?

3:44 - Why do you think storytelling is so powerful? - Paul J. Zak

4:53 - Who is one of your favorite story tellers? Mariam Issa

5:25 - What's one of the harder aspects of your work?

5:53 - You created her words and hosted your launch party on International Women's Day 2017. How did that feel?

6:03 - I asked you what businesses inspire you and you told me 3! Which ones were they? Of Kin, The Equality Institute and Grace Papers.

6:43 - You said you’re an avid reader and can’t choose a favorite book. What’s the book you recommend the most? The Eye of the Sheep by Sofie Laguna

6:58 - So you said that one book that has made a lasting impression was Just Kids by Patti Smith and that it was so inspiring, dreamy and romantic. Would you say you’re a romantic?

7:09 - Well good. Because you also mentioned falling in love with poetry when you did your creative writing honors. Do you write poetry?

7:46 - What was it about A Little Life: A Novel by Hanya Yanagihara that made you cry so much?

8:31 - How do you feel about money?

8:37 - Favorite podcast? Guilty Feminist, Pretty for an Aboriginal (mine), Starving Artist

9:15 - One of your favorite things to do is go to the movies and watch a film by yourself. Where do you sit in the theater?

9:28 - Do you get snacks? Or bring your own???

10:15 - Best piece of advice for a new business owner?

10:49 - I asked you what you wanted written on your gravestone and you mentioned not wanting a gravestone, and that you’d like to be cremated and thrown into the ocean. Do you care which ocean?

10:57 - Who do you think I should interview next? Of Kin and Elle Steele

How do you feel about this new format? I'm changing things up and aiming for a Vogue 73 questions vibe that's a bit faster paced.

Missed the first one with futures trader, Jamie Nugent, all about money mindset?? Check it out! Or the second with graphic designer Lidia Varesco Racoma? Here it is! Or maybe the last one with Andrea Klunder? Go watch! Or brand therapist Leisse Wilcox - have a watch.

Know of anyone that I should interview? Looking for strong feminist business owners that have a story to share!

My New Creative Business Card

You're at a business networking event, you're having a good conversation, it's time to part ways, and then (for me) the dreaded "let's keep in touch, do you have a business card?"

I've always had a hard time with business cards. I mean, as soon as someone give me theirs I just connect with them on instagram anyway and link to their website and email. So I've always thought cards are a bit dated, wasteful, pointless, and a prescribed "should" rather than an actual need/benefit.

However, I realize that I hold on to other people's business cards for a long time because

1. It feels rude to throw it away
2. I guess I never know when I'll need it?
3. I also have realized that when I see them floating around in my purse and laptop cover pockets I'm reminded of that person, that's kind of the point right?

So I came around to the idea that I should probably get business cards but wanted to do something a little untraditional. I looked for inspiration and really liked some of these  (I mean that divorce lawyer is hilarious and the hair stylist is so good!) I also really love a stamp and using different materials like this one. I wanted to do something similar that had "meaning" and was intentional.

My brand is about empowering women, promoting them, connecting them to resources, tools, and people (have you read The Tipping Point by Malcom Gladwell? I'm a connector, I just can't help myself!) ... so, what could I do?

Then it hit me. What if I printed stickers, placed them on the card, and then when it's time to do the "swap" I find a business card that I think would be a good fit for that person, explain for a second the business card I'm giving them and why. Then they have, my information, a potential new contact, and they will know that their card will be passed along to an exciting new connection in the future as well! Guys, I was so pleased with myself. Can you tell how pleased with myself I was? My partner was like "did you see that online or something?" and I said "No! I thought of it myself!"

I had my fabulous designer, Palolo (hire her), design these up for me and then headed over to Moo. They do unlimited designs, which is awesome that you don't have to just decide on one. I can't wait to start handing these out at all my events!

Alright, so tell me tell me tell me. What are your thoughts on business cards? Love em? Leave em? Do you think they're a hassle? Do you swear by them? Think their dated? Do you think you want to do stickers now? :)

FEMINEST BOOK CLUB: Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brene Brown

Wanna join the Feminest book club? Of course you do. ;)

The first Tuesday of every month, I'm selecting a feminist, business, or self-help book to review for that month. And, rest assured — if I'm featuring it — there’s something you oughta know! 

Last month I covered Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman, which may be one of the most disappointing books I'll read this year, it was fine.

This month I'm covering Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brené Brown and here are my review in 4 takeaways.

Takeaway #1 - You belong everywhere and nowhere

“You are only free when you realize you belong no place - you belong every place - no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great”. - Maya Angelou

This is my new mantra when I walk into a room and I don't feel comfortable. Or I'm looking for a place to sit at a networking event. And it works.

I felt like I didn’t belong when I entered into entrepreneurship, I just told myself “No, I'm not an entrepreneur, I just like to take ideas and run with them”. I felt like I didn’t belong when I started consulting “what do I know?”. I felt like I didn’t belong when I went to a networking event for bloggers and they were all taking pictures of their latte’s and not really talking to one another. I felt like I didn’t belong for a period of time was I was a Mormon and I felt like I didn’t belong when I left Mormonism too - especially ordering coffee and wine, “uh, a pinot, please?”. I felt this when I moved to Australia and have been making a home here. But this quote - is everything to me. It gives me the confidence to walk anywhere and know - I don’t belong here - I belong everywhere. Wow. Beautiful.

Takeaway #2 - Language is powerful

I talked about in my working mothers post how the term needs a rebrand and that the semantics matter. But Brené takes this topic of language even further in how important it is that we don't refer to people as animals and aliens as it then dehumanizes them. I watched in Ken Burn's The Vietnam War documentary recently, (which should be mandatory viewing for every American) the soldiers talk about how they didn't kill people, they killed "gooks". Sure you can say that words don't matter, but they do, so much so that it can make it easier for someone to kill another.

In the midst of the white house separating families at the border this video of DHS Secretary Nielsen denies separation amounts to 'child abuse' came out and she kept using the term "alien". After reading this chapter in Braving the Wilderness I couldn't help but comment. See the amazing response I got below:

Takeaway #3 - Speak truth to bullshit. Be civil. 

Brené talked about how she was brought up going hunting with her family, how they respected the animals, and were taught gun safety. She then expressed her frustration with the National Rifle Association (NRA) on not putting any parameters around responsible gun ownership and it split families like hers where her parents supported the NRA but as a college student she couldn't. Of all the lobby organizations she's studied, Brené said that not one has done a better job using fear and false dichotomy as the NRA with using "they" and "us vs. them" language over and over. 

She told a story about how she was talking to a group of women about how she and her father were looking forward to teaching her children how to shoot skeet. One woman looked horrified and said "I'm very surprised to hear you're a gun lover, you don't strike me as the NRA type" Brené said "I'm not sure what you mean by gun lover or the NRA type" the woman then said "If you're teaching your child how to shoot a gun then I'm assuming you support gun ownership and the NRA" 

Brené right away saw this for what it was a false dichotomy - if someone supports gun ownership then they support the NRA. Brené then said "you're one for two in your assumption, I do support responsible gun ownership, I do not in anyway support the NRA just because I support responsible gun ownership." The woman looked mad and confused "but with all the school shootings, I don't understand why you don't support gun control" Brené was frustrated, and then said "I absolutely do support common sense gun laws, I support background checks and waiting periods, I don't believe it should be allowed to have automatic magazines or..." the woman was so angry at this point she then said "you either support guns or you don't" Brené then mustered up the most empathy she had and said "I know that this is a hard and heart breaking issue but I don't think you're hearing me I'm not going to participate in a debate where the issue is reduced to you either support guns or you don't. It's too important, if you want to have a longer conversation about it, I'm happy to do that and I wouldn't be surprised if the same issues piss us off and scare us." The woman excused herself and stormed away.

Brené said "it's not always the happy ending from some movie but I'll take it if it's real." Brené felt alone in the wilderness but that was okay and that ultimately the most important thing is that she didn't betray herself. 

I don't think you can take a more divisive topic for an American and Brené broke this down in such a beautiful way. It was very powerful for me and I won't ever forget it. We're all complicated and can push one another into one of two political camps.

Takeaway #4 - Belong to yourself. 

I'll just end on this beautiful quote by Brené:

“True belonging requires us to believe in and belong to ourselves so fully that we can find sacredness both in being a part of something and in standing alone when necessary. But in a culture that’s rife with perfectionism and pleasing, and with the erosion of civility, it’s easy to stay quiet, hide in our ideological bunkers, or fit in rather than show up as our true selves and brave the wilderness of uncertainty and criticism. But true belonging is not something we negotiate or accomplish with others; it’s a daily practice that demands integrity and authenticity. It’s a personal commitment that we carry in our hearts.”

Rating: 4.5/5

It doesn't get a full 5 because I found myself wanting more from it in the end. Although it was jam packed with goodness - it felt rushed, I can't quite put my finger on why or how it didn't feel quite complete or full, but it just didn't.

Recommendation:

This is a great book for anyone who is needing a little reassurance when venturing into the dark and a fresh view on grim politics and polarizing conversations. 

Next month I'm featuring The Compound Effect: Jumpstart Your Income, Your Life, Your Success by Darren Hardy (because it's recommended by my friend and talented coach T-Ann, watch her video on it here!)! Read it with me!

Have a book suggestion? Let us know in the comments below!

#FEMINESTCHATS VIDEO INTERVIEW WITH LEISSE WILCOX

Here's the fourth interview in the #feminestchats video series! with the amazing Leisse Wilcox! Leisse is a brand therapist and mindset coach. A lover of tacos and old soul on vinyl - preferably at the same time - Leisse can be found in her tiny lakefront town in her (mostly) pink and gold house with her three little girls. "Gratitude is wine for the soul - go ahead, get drunk." Rumi

Not sure you want to watch the full video? Above is a 1 minute tidbit for your viewing pleasure.

Loved it? Feel like you're in for some more? Here's the full interview below!

0:00 - 1:10 Introduction 

1:10 - chatted about Let’s Camp 2017

1:47 - Leisse talks about her journey of writing her self help book

4:44 - Leisse chats about how she approaches her branding work

7:43 - The need to write your own story and create your own narrative 

9:29 - How the modern constructs of marriage have been handed down from generations before and how we can rewrite it

14:52 - The three people you need to meet in your life

16:41 - We discuss when new age sexuality can go wrong

19:57 - Leisse talks about her polyamorous relationships

23:50 - Leisse chats about her ideal client, female’s in their 30’s, going through transition who want to do a little more

25:44 - On Motherhood and processing the life transition

28:57 - Leisse shares the books and articles that have been the most transformative for her, NYT article on turning 40, Attachment Theory, You Are A Badass at Making Money

36:15 - Shares her two best piece of advice

37:14 - getting clear on what you want is harder if you don’t know first what you’re afraid of (see top 1 min clip)

39 - every decision we make comes from a place of fear or from love

42:41 - chatting about the feminist topic that means the most to her - menstrual health

Other resources mentioned:

Mom 2.0 Summit with Brene Brown

Leisse’s Instagram

Conscience Uncoupling

White Hot Truth - and my glowing review!

You Are a Badass

The Science of Getting Rich

The Law of Attraction

Big Magic

Dot Cup

What do you think? We covered a lot of ground here! Leisse and I talked about some of the most controversial topics, money, marriage, sex, religion and I loved every minute of it.  

Missed the first one with futures trader, Jamie Nugent, all about money mindset?? Check it out! Or the second with graphic designer Lidia Varesco Racoma? Here it is! Or maybe the last one with Andrea Klunder? Go watch!

Know of anyone that I should interview? Looking for strong feminist business owners that have a story to share!